Hope

These little sprouts seem so hopeful I just had to take their picture. Good luck guys! I hope to see your little yellow faces one day soon!!

Happy Birthday Maddy!!

I think this was Maddy's best birthday ever!!

When Maddy got to school today her friends were waiting for her beside this big, tall rock with a latte from Starbucks. I don't ever remember 12 being that much fun!! She was so happy and so excited ALL day long.

Maddy is an extremely social child. I have mentioned this many times before. Sometimes it makes me worry. She loves to talk on the phone and chat on the computer and have sleepovers and go to school football/basketball/soccer games. Sometimes the kid wears me OUT. Sometimes I feel sad because I don't get to see her enough. Lately, we have both been good about making time for each other. For her birthday, I took half a day off so that I could pick her up from school and take her to lunch. Just the two of us. She was sooo happy! We had the best time.

After school was out she let me take her back to school to take pictures of her birthday rocks.



Maddy seems to be one of those kids with a halo of light around her. Lots of people love her and want to be around her. She has an infectious laugh and an adorable smile. She can seriously work the basketball court and dominate a soccer field. The kid has talents I would have killed for at her age! And the whole family remembers how brave and precious she was when she was the first and only girl to play flag football for our Y branch a few years ago. And how the men (other coaches) used to yell at their team, "WATCH THE GIRL!!! WATCH THE GIRL!!" cause if that girl of mine got the ball...there was no stopping her.

Sometimes I look at her and I think, "how did i get her?? where did she come from???"
I love that little girl so much!! I am so glad she had such a great birthday! I still can't believe she's 12!! But I sure do look forward to her future!!

Happy Birthday Lovebug!!

What I believe right now...

I have been avoiding new posts because I have been waiting for some shiny, glittery moments of "ah ha!" brought on by my new word. My word and the positive attitude that will surely wash over me... and take hold of my life... at any. given. moment.

STILL WAITING.

I am a mess of January blues with a side of PMS and I do not like being with me right now. I do BELIEVE that this too will pass. Yes, I do. I am just really afraid it will pass with the winter season. And I guarantee you that damn groundhog will see his stupid shadow causing us to have 6 extra weeks of winter. Hahaha. OK. Sense of humor still in tact. I made myself laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. Hahaa.

Here's the thing...BOTH of my older girls are growing up and they are breaking my heart in the process. Not that it's their fault. It's life. But it scares me silly and hurts my feelings. Hailey will be 15 on Feb. 1st. DID YOU HEAR THAT??? 15. How in the hell can I be old enough to have a 15 year old?
Maddy will be 12 on January 29th. That KILLS me too. Because my Maddy is so very social that her friends are quickly becoming her family BECAUSE THEY SEE HER MORE THAN I DO.

I remember my mother saying that she wanted to bottle them when they were 2 or 3. Now I know why. It goes by too quickly and you just can't get it back. And while I also BELIEVE in all of the beauty that comes with growing up and becoming more independent, I feel the need to mourn the loss of my babies as well. I BELIEVE that I will find a way to give them the space they need AND spend good quality time with them...but right now, I just want to turn the tables and I want to follow THEM around the house and call their names 100 times. I want to follow THEM to the bathroom and look irritated when they tell me they want privacy. I want to ask THEM a million questions about life...because I'm afraid...before long...they won't need me like that anymore. And that hurts my heart a whole lot.

So for now, I'm going to pout a little. And I guess it will get better eventually.

My word for 2010....

After a long list and much consideration....my word for 2010 is.........BELIEVE. Yep. Believe. I thought about so many words that I could use. I tried to picture myself saying the word over in over in a plethora of situations and this is the word that just seemed to fit.

My relationship with this word started a long time ago when I fell in love with the Gavin DeGraw song, Belief. "Belief makes things real...Belief makes things true... " That song really pulled on my heart strings because it came at a time when my marriage was falling apart and I believed with all of my heart that it was over...and guess what??? It was. Belief makes things true.

I reconnected with this word several months ago when my daughter and I had a tete-a-tete with her gymnastics coach. Her coach was describing her theory on life and one of the things she said really made sense to Hailey and to me. Perception is reality. I thought about that a lot. It's so true! Belief makes things real and your perception is definitely your reality. That's a really powerful thing when you think about it. Because guess what?! You can control your perception and your beliefs. For real. It's really hard sometimes...but it can be done.





Shortly after our meeting with her coach, I found this sign (at Pier 1) for Hailey's bedroom. She loves it! It now hangs above her head each night as she drifts off to sleep on a pillow that states..."When you dream...dream BIG!" I tell her over and over IMPOSSIBLE=NOTHING (another stolen line from her coach) because I really want her to believe that for herself. I want more than anything for that thought to live in the hearts of my children.

Then it dawned on me. I need to believe a few positive things myself. I think I need to really focus on adjusting my personal beliefs so that what I choose to make real is good for me. Here is what I choose to believe this year...

I believe I have the ability to make myself happy.
I believe I have many talents.
I believe I still have the power to make my own personal dreams come true...even at age 40.
I believe I will find a way to solve problems as they arise.
I believe in myself and TRUST (a close runner-up word) my instincts.
I believe every little thing...is gonna be all right. (Thank you BobMarley. I love you.)
I believe I am a child of this universe and that I deserve to be here...creating my own little legacy that will live on and on through the lives of my children and their children and....so on.
I believe in the power of love. (NOT MONEY....LOVE) And I believe I am loved unconditionally.

And I also believe IMPOSSIBLE = NOTHING.

What will you choose to believe this year?

HAPPY 2010 BLOGVILLE!! I can't wait to see what happens next!!!