Saturday, January 29, 2011

Happy 13th!

happy birthday
to my
fun lovin,
smart talkin,
basketball playin,
point scorin,
deep thinkin,
wake forest lovin,
good grades makin,
soccer playin,
goal makin,
Jesus lovin,
nail bitin
social butterflyin,

(I hope your day is as MAGICAL for you as your day of birth was for me!
I love you to the moon. 
 My life is soo much better with you in it!)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Reflections Refracted

Above you can see two different photos of a prism sort of thing that allows you to see many different shots of the same frame.  This is how my brain is working today.

Both of my older girls have birthdays coming up.  Big ones.  13 and 16.  16!!!  Goooood Lord I don't know how this has happened.  I have been inwardly emotional for weeks.  I'm so excited about their birthdays!  We have lots of plans and the girls are happy and excited.

But my brain keeps seeing shots of them...images...refracted.  An image of Hailey at age 5 or Maddy at age two.  Then the image will break off and shoot directly to another image of their childhood.  I keep seeing their sweet childlike faces spread throughout the halls of my brain.  Then I feel the those gripping tugs at the apron strings start to loosen and become less frequent.  It's scary.  I look around and wonder where those children went?!! 

And I keep wondering....have I prepared them?  Are they ready?  Am I ready???

I am constantly writing a letter in my mind...trying to contain my ocean of emotions into a legible document that I can give to my oldest daughter on her 16th birthday.   All of those infant moments when I wished she was old enough to talk to me and tell me what was going on in her head.  All of the milestones...words, steps, cartwheels, kips, grades, friends, new grips, school projects, new leos, braces, gym meets, braces off, driver's ed, discussing colleges!   Everything leading up to this moment. 

My first born baby is 16.  (and that 2nd angel baby is 13)

My girls are growing up.

Heavy sigh.  I can only imagine what high school graduation will do to me!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

Albert Camus

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snowy Days Around Here

While we are thrilled to have a couple of days off, I am really starting to worry about making these days up later!  I guess we should just enjoy the time and not worry about that right now!!

These two are so happy to be home!  They wanted snow so much that they slept in inside-out pjs, put spoons under their pillows AND made up their own snow dance!!  I guess it all paid off!!  We've had snow, freezing rain, sleet and ice. 

MEANWHILE...Hailey has been to the gym everyday in preparation for her gymnastics meet in Las Vegas!  She missed all of last week so I HAD to get her to the gym this week.  Driving has been pretty scary but we have managed so far. ( I am so excited about the trip to VEGAS though.  I can't wait to take pix out there!  )

Maddy is quite irritated by this weather because one of her basketball games was cancelled.  And she isn't real happy about Vegas either.  I have to miss one of her games while I'm there.  Plus she really wanted to go, too.  I sure wish I could take them all with me.  (I have never been away from Stella for 2 whole nights.  It makes me sick to think about it.  So I'm not gonna...for now anyway!)

Hope all of you out there are staying warm and enjoying this cold weather!
(i'm ready for spring!)

Friday, January 7, 2011


This photo says many things about my relationship with this sweet little girl.  I have many photos of her deep in thought, or dreaming, or concentrating.  I loved watching her gaze out the window and I imagined that she was wishing on stars that New Year's Eve night. 
As I started to take her photo, I noticed my reflection in the window and decided to change the frame a bit.  I liked being in there with her.  Sometimes I really think I can read her mind.

We've been fighting a bit...she and I.

The biggest problem is mine not hers. 

I see a whole lot of myself in that little girl.  A whole lot.  The dreams and the fears.  I push her to be her best at the things she loves to do because I know that the choices she makes while she's young can follow her for the rest of her life. 
 I don't want her to give up because I always just gave up. 
 I don't want her to quit because I quit a lot of things.  (mostly because i didn't feel good enough.) 
 I have given her a hard time lately about not being focused on her sports. 

But she's almost 13, she's worried about boys and friends, and the fact they are all watching her play basketball for her school. 
(can't you remember worrying about everything at that age??) 
She's got a whole lot going on. 

So I tried to get back in touch with the 13 year old child that used to live in my body oh so many years ago and I asked her what she would want me to do. 
And that little girl said,

"Just accept her. 
And love her. 
And support her decisions. 
Only give sports advice if she asks for it. 
Always, always be compassionate. 
And if she is arguing with her friends,
ask how she feels about it
and not what she did.
 Don't make assumptions and don't judge. 
She's still a child and she needs your support above all."

(and that little girl inside my head didn't want to shut up...)

Finally, she added
 "AND the bottom line is...she's not you!" 

She's her own wonderful person with her own life and her own decisions.  I'm here to facilitate the growth and teach what I can.  I get to watch her do all kinds of things I never did! 
And the success is in her happiness NOT her performance.

So grow on!..... you little wild flower you! 
You be you! 
I love you just the way you are kiddo.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

sleepy babies

Finn and Maddy.  Getting along.  :)


Saturday, January 1, 2011

Word for 2011...

My word for 2011 is..........FEARLESS.  I'm tired of being afraid.  I'm tired of worrying that I'm not good enough, don't know enough, that my photos aren't good enough, that I am not teaching the kids enough, that I don't work hard enough, that I'm screwing my kids up somehow.  Every single thing that gets me down and holds me back is based on fear.  This year, I choose to recognize the fear, step right over it and MOVE ON PAST IT.