Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sibling Love

Lately, Finn (8) and Stella (3) have had a hard time getting along.  Toys have been snatched, shoes have been thrown, words have been flung into the air recklessly.  Finn has made it clear, on more than one occasion, that he is tired of all the girls in this house and that he needs to be treated like a "big kid" who gets to make his own decisions.  Okay.  Point taken.  As long as love and respect are used in his need to take a stand for independence. 
In the meantime, Stella wonders what is going on with her "big brutha".  He has less patience than he used to.  He plays with her sometimes and sometimes he shuts his door in her face and tells her to go away.  And even though she knows how to get a quick reaction out of him when he's in a mood, she really just wants to be around him.  She wants to play what he plays, watch what he watches, go outside when he goes outside.  She even frantically tried to hop up on a skateboard the other day.  She was convinced she could catch up with him. 

So when he makes a demand for some Finn of females and younger kids...Stella has to come up with other interesting things to do.  While he's gone, she plays with his toys,  hangs out in  his room, and even wears his shoes.  (she also likes to sleep in his t shirts now!)

Trying to keep up with big brutha is a tiring job.  Apparently, she's got some big shoes to fill!!

(hang in there sweet stell. he will come around.  he just needs time to be a big boy. and he loves you very much!)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Fighting Fears

I am having a hard time today. It's Saturday and I should be enjoying the weekend but I feel very overwhelmed and I only just want to stay in my bed. Ego and fears are plotting and scheming and I am finding that I need lots of quiet today.

Here's a quote from The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. I am trying to let these thoughts be my mantra today...

Love is ruthless; it doesn't feel sorry for anyone but it does have compassion.
Fear is full of pity; it feels sorry for everyone. You feel sorry for me when you don't respect me, when you don't think I am strong enough to make it. On the other hand, love respects. I love you; I know you can make it. I know you are strong enough, intelligent enough, good enough that you can make your own choices. I don't have to make your choices for you. You can make it. If you fall, I can give you my hand, I can help you stand up. I can say, "You can do it. Go ahead." That is compassion but it's not the same as feeling sorry. Compassion comes from respect and love; feeling sorry comes from a lack of respect and from fear.

Love is based on respect. Fear doesn't respect anything...

Love is always kind, fear is always unkind...

I really love this book!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Maddy. Very athletic and very social. She has definitely been the most excited about summer ending and fall beginning. She loves going back to school. This year, she is really excited because she's in 7th grade. And 7th graders can play school sports. She has waited her whole little life to play school sports. So while we have been waiting for this opportunity, she has filled her time with rec ball and club ball of all sorts. Her favorite, soccer, lacrosse. She decided to venture out and try something new this year. Volleyball. Probably becuase this is the season for it, the time is now, and she wants to be playing something ALL the time. (keep in mind she's playing soccer for CUFC right now too) SOO she has been practicing volleyball a lot. Last week, tryouts began. She got to stay after school, meet the coaches and work hard for 2 hours each day. After many kind words from her coaches, she felt sure she would be one of the few 7th graders to make a mostly 8th grade team. (she's NEVER not made a team. EVER.)
AND then came her first soccer game of the season on Sunday. Within the first five minutes of the first game, she had the ball and was on a run to the goal and she got tripped. She rolled her ankle. BAD. After much ice and tylenol we went to the doctor only to find that she has to stay off that foot for at least 2 weeks. This means no soccer for a while. AND she had to tell the volleyball coaches what happened and hope that she may make it based on her first two days of try outs. NO SUCH LUCK. She missed the final day of tryouts...and she didn't make it.
Poor kid. NO sports for at least 2 weeks and no volleyball. Period. I guess she had to experience not making the cut at some point, but I sure hate it for her. *sigh* And let me just tell you that not being able to run around is KILLING her.

Monday, September 6, 2010

home sweet home

all children are home. house is clean. broken dryer has been fixed.
happy Labor Day!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Kindness Blog Obsession

My sister sent me the link to a blog the other day. I can't stop looking at it. I HAVE to find ways to use kindness the way she does. Unbelievable. I am totally inspired and I can't wait to try some of these things out.

See, it's like this...
I work in a little charter school. The first charter school in Charlotte, NC in fact. I knew many of the founding members of the school. I worked with several of the women who helped write the charter and open the doors. They fought hard to open that little school of mine and I desperately want to honor it's Progressive Educational philosophies. The problem is this...many of the other staff members don't share my ideas on the original philosophy OR share my ideas on any kind of philosophy...I don't think. I am sort of viewed as a hippie chick radical who needs to keep that Positive Discipline crap to myself. We have some seriously challenging behavior problems at our school and their idea of letting kids have MORE freedom....TERRIFYING. Sadly, I understand their fears. I do accept their differing opinions sometimes...I know I have to be respectful. They are just as certain their traditional ways are the way to go, ya know? We all wanna be right. So there is a great divide that unfortunately affects the children and the whole school. The Star Bellied Sneetches are officially having a stand off with the ones without stars upon thars!
SO...I am going to do some thinking and try and find a way to use these kindness techniques to make some sort of small difference. Not sure what yet. But I am gonna come up with something.
I will keep you posted.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Dream Analysis and Chakra Cleanse

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was finally calm enough, open enough to start listening to my dreams again. I love to try and analyze my dreams as they can be quite entertaining. When I took a moment to think about dreams, I realized I hadn't had any in a long time. Or I guess I just wasn't paying attention to them and therefore, was no longer remembering them.

The very day I decided to write them down and study them...I had an explosive series dreams. Five in a row. They were all completely different in many ways but as I studied them, I noticed many of the same themes: control, letting go, acceptance, death, choices and spirituality.

I met with a good friend and I told her all five of my dreams and as I was leaving our meeting spot, I had an epiphany...sort of...and all of the sudden all of the dreams made sense to me.

Each dream seems to represent the journey leading up to now. How I viewed my life in the past, how I view things now, and how I hope to view life in the future. All very powerful dreams once I looked closely. One dream even contained a coffin with scales on the inside which led me to believe that I am ready to choose what parts of me and/or my past I want to keep and which parts I am ready to release and let die. Another powerful symbol was cat poop. Yes. Cat poop. Tons of it on my white, white bed. Cat poop all over my favorite place in the bed. That dream let me know that I need to clean up a bit before I can find that peaceful slumber I am craving. I think I need to clean out those shadowy cobwebs of the past (and even recent past) so that I can move on with confidence.

The dreams have brought me back to meditation practices and grounding techniques. And I think I am in need of some Chakra cleaning as well!!! I have been reading a book called Chakras Key to Spiritual Opening by Mary Ellen Flora. I know. The title kinda freaks people out. It's the kind of book my dad would not like at all upon first glance. The only thing that might save it for him, is the fact that she suggests saying The Lord's Prayer before each meditation. While her book doesn't attach itself to one religion in particular, she does suggest a cleanse that is based on the belief that there is a God and that we are all a part of that energy source.

I have to say the book has been very powerful for me so far. When I use the techniques, I feel so warm and loved. But's easy to become ungrounded. Every day life can be very challenging. My goal is to find that underlying love of self that I was born with. Love of life. My goal is to clean out the past and its blockades, so that I can know without a doubt that I am good enough. I want my undercurrent to be love...not doubt.

The scary part of that book, the part that my dad might NOT like, is cleansing of the past...that may involve past lives. Not sure how I feel about that. She states that some people discover events that happened in past lives when they open their chakra seals. I am not kidding when I say I feel like I have been around in this world sometime before now...before I was born. Maybe not. Maybe so. Who knows?? But if I find out any details...I will certainly share them. Even if they sound crazy and impossible.

I'm going to write more about the cleanse as I become more comfortable and more familiar with the practices. Until then...I will go through each day trying my best to stay present and grounded!!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Lonely at the Top...

Have you ever noticed that right when you feel like you are high on life, queen of the mountain, top o the world ma, people start to act a little strange? Like all of the sudden, they realize how happy you are, and don't really trust it. Or maybe it's that they just aren't buying it. After all, I have been a pretty stressed out mess for the last year so maybe extending my summer bliss into the new school year is alarming in some way. I do usually reach PEAK stress when school resumes. However, I am no longer full time. I am not feeling the same beginning of the school year stress this year. MUCH calmer being outside of the classroom scene.

I don't want to go back to being stressed and sad. I don't want to start worrying about money, and work, and trivial stuff. I don't want to be unhappy.

I read something recently that stated the idea that most people don't think happiness is a way of life. It's perceived as a temporary state that only comes around on special occasions. Most people don't really know how to hold onto it for long. It has been pretty cyclical in my life that's for sure. But I have always sort of felt an underlying happy somewhere. Just gets lost a lot.

And again, I feel myself starting to struggle and lose a little footing. That voice in my head is starting to be negative again. I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend telling that voice to quiet back down.