Sunday, November 30, 2008

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving came quickly this year! In some ways it was a nice surprise...sneaking up on me like that! In other ways of course, it was very stressful. I made a promise to myself last year that I would not let holidays be so stressful. Family here and back and forth...messy. So I am sort of shocked that it was so crazy again this year. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. Nick wanted to have lunch or dinner with his Mom. I of course wanted to have lunch or dinner with my family the kids were supposed to have one meal with me and one meal with their Dad. I told you...messy.

In the end...we all went to my sisters for a bit. Then Nick and Stella went to his Mom's to actually eat while the older 3 and I ate with my family. Then, Chuck (ex) came to pick the older 3 up at my sister's house at 3:00 so they could go eat with his family for dinner.

I actually ended up at my sister's, without any children, for a bit. Strange. Ok. But strange.

After all of that....I sat back and thought..."What in the hell is going on here?" I guess I create all of my own messes to an extent but GOOD GRIEF!!!

Let me back up for a minute here. Nick is my boyfriend/life partner (as he calls himself). We got together just before my divorce was final. He loves my kids, he loves me. All is well. Then I got pregnant with Stell and she of course changed life all over again. She is an angel from God...just so you know...but just when I thought divorce was about to be final and things were going to settle down...along comes another baby out of wedlock. Another beautiful mess.

So now, Nick desperately wants for his family to embrace and love me and all of my kids. His brothers are fine. His Dad too. Even his Mom has been great. BUT she doesn't always try to change her plans for us or try to include us in her family traditions. I am totally ok with that. I understand. Nick doesn't understand. He wants us to all be one big happily-ever-after family and he wants us all to do holidays with his family too. Of course I understand that. He needs for his daughter, Stella, to be involved. BUT all of us?? It gets too complicated sometimes.

I have tried to tell him kindly that I don't really think his Mom cares if we come to her house or not. I mean, she doesn't mind... and she is very sweet to my kids...but basically she just wants to see him and the baby. I don't think she is upset if we don't all see her on holidays. But Nick fought hard for all of us to go to his Mom's for a big Thanksgiving lunch and I kept saying, "Honey, I don't really think that she is planning for all of us to come." And he kept insisting that she was planning to feed all of us and that she had a big meal planned. Did she tell him this? No. He just assumed that she would have a grand meal and tons of food so he thought we would all be welcome. Anyway...we agreed after many tears that he would go eat at her house with Stell, the other 3 and I would eat at my sisters, and we would meet back home after a couple of hours. INSANELY MESSY.

As it turns out, Nick's Mom didn't actually cook Thanksgiving Dinner this year at all. She served cold cuts. She casually said that she is waiting until Christmas to cook a big dinner. Yep. That's right. Cold cuts for Thanksgiving.

Anyway....Next year...I am having Thanksgiving at my house. Anyone who wants to come is welcome. But I am not leaving my house. Come. Join in. Bring food or not. I will not go anywhere else on Thanksgiving Day next year. And for that....I am very thankful.

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