Spring. Love,Grow, and Heal.

I love spring. VERY VERY MUCH. I always feel hopeful and warm and my spirits start to lift as I begin to put dreams into a more realistic composition. Spring is productive for me. I come out of hibernation with a new plan of attack for work, home, life.

As winter melted away this year, Nick and I decided to walk through some long overdue issues. Most of which had to do with my fears of him leaving me for someone younger. It's taken 4.5 years of his trust, devotion and loyalty to make me realize he might actually be happy living here with me and all of my children. (deep rooted issues here I tell you...)

Nick is a very interesting guy. He is the first (and only) person I've ever met that really knows how to listen to children. I mean REALLY listen when they aren't even speaking. He is extremely intuitive, highly sensitive, and very spiritually motivated. I have been sort of in awe of him at times and that feels weird to me. He's younger than I am. I'm supposed to be older and wiser! I think I've been jealous of him on more than one occasion.

The truth is...we are a very good balance. If you look at us from an astrological stand point, I was born in an early life cycle and he was born in a later life cycle. Which means we are really about the same age...according to the stars anyway! At least that's how I like to look at it! After realizing that I was letting age be too much of an issue, we decided to talk about commitment.

SO we had to hash things out honestly, lay all feeling right out there on the table...and figure out what to do with our future. We decided that since we are both completely committed to our family, and totally loving each other...we should probably get married one of these days. (I actually want to get married again. OMG.)

All of this spring cleaning left us feeling so light weight and carefree that guess what???

We got pregnant.

My 4o year old body is going to have another baby. And I think I'm very excited about that.

Tree Fort Solitude

I went outside the other day and I saw Finn...sitting in a tree...reading a book.

I totally get the feeling. I have needed a little time and space to myself lately too.

(notice the bow and arrow hanging right beside him...you know...just in case there are invaders.)

Will and Lexi!!!!

I'm getting very excited about photography again! A dear, old friend asked me to do a photo shoot with her son and his cousin. I'm SO glad I did!! These two were soo much fun. They made me feel happy and young and free to be me! Thank you guys... for lighting a new spark!

Home Sweet Home

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.

Maya Angelou

We went out of town this weekend, as we have many times, for a gymnastics meet. We enjoyed the travel, we enjoyed the hotel, and we enjoyed the gymnastics. But MAN was I glad to get home.

As we were driving and getting closer and closer to home, Nick kept counting down the miles like a little kid. He got so excited when we got to the North Carolina state line. It made me think about traveling when I was little.

We used to travel a lot when I was a little, little girl. My Daddy worked for Eastern Airlines "back in the day" and we got to fly for free. We got to go to all kinds of cool places and spend lots of time in airports, hotels and even rental cars. As much as I loved our adventures, there was nothing I loved more than heading home and seeing our little skyline come into view. I loved watching the buildings become larger and larger. I loved watching the earth closely until the bugs became cars and the tiny cracks became highways.

I remember a few trips with long layovers and long flights...and how good it felt to get OFF of that plane, feel the solid ground and smell the air outside. I even threatened to kiss the ground a few times...just like I had seen the Pope do on occasion.

I felt kind of like that again today. So glad to get outta that car, so glad to be able to move around, so happy to go in and lie in my bed.

HOME. SWEET. HOME.

WE LOVE SATURDAYS

I really, really love the fact that my two big girls are holding hands here. How presh is that!!!???

The Sky Lately

I have been kind of fascinated with the sky lately. The only problem is...I seem to notice the beautiful sky while I'm driving. If you think texting is dangerous while driving, you should see me trying to take photos while I drive. Not good. But the sky has been so lovely that I can't seem to help myself.

I seem to have a whole new respect for the vast blue these days. I can sit and stare out the window for long periods of time. As I sat staring out the window the other day, I remembered that my grandmother's used to do it too. Sit and stare. Sit and stare. Then it dawned on me. I'm officially old.

Believe it or not, I really sort of liked the feeling I got when I thought about that. I actually got it for the first time...EVER. For the first time in my life, I can actually appreciate the sky. Really and truly appreciate something that has been there my whole life. I appreciate every warm day, every sunny day, every blue sky!!

Now if I could only learn to appreciate the gray cloudy skies...that would really be something. The other day when the snow started to fall again I felt a wave of panic rush through my whole body. Why? Because I couldn't see the sky. I'm not even kidding. I felt a paralysis of clostraphobic fear take over my body for a minute or two. I had to deep breathe, count to ten, and remind myself that I would see the sun again. Thank GOD it was sunny again the next day.

So for now, I'm really diggin the sunny skies. KEEP EM COMIN!! Sun=Love

Quiet.

I had 5 full minutes of quiet time just now. Three out of four kids are home and I still managed to experience five full minutes of quiet.

Here's what I heard:

1. An airplane far, far away. And I imagine it's headed to some exotic location.

2. A bird just outside my window. Singing sweetly. Calling for Spring.

3. The quiet hum of the heater cutting on. Keeping us nice and toasty on a yucky, rainy day.

4. A dog barking somewhere else in the neighborhood.


And then it all ended. And I heard this....

"MOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!"

Oh well. Every moment counts.

Wonderful Weekend!

This was the best weekend I have had in a long time. It was also one of the busiest weekends I've had in a long time.

Basketball playoff game for #2 on Saturday. Day trip to Raleigh on Sunday for #1's gymnastics meet.

On Saturday, we went to the game, went out to lunch, went to the mall with my stepdad (Dadoo to my kids) and THEN Dadoo took #4 to his house for the afternoon! None of us knew what to do without a toddler to watch! So Maddy and I went to get Starbucks and pedicures!! (Hailey passed up the opportunity because she can't have pretty colors on her toes during meet season and clear is way too boring...apparently.) Maddy was very happy about her electric purple toes. She said, "Today is a great day!" about 5 times. When we got home, Pseudo husband and Ex husband had the trampoline up!! Woohooo! Hailey was sooo happy she couldn't stand it. So she showed us her back full twists. Show off.

On Sunday,
I spent 6 hours in the car with both 1 and 2 and we had a great time. We were all in good moods and the girls were both very talkative. Hailey's meet went well. She got another 3rd place metal on floor. She and Maddy laughed most of the way home...and it's always nice to hear my girlies laugh.

A GREAT WEEKEND.

I refuse to talk about the fact that it is now Monday. Hailey woke up sick. It's raining. AND I have 22 report cards to finish by like yesterday. AAGGGHHH!!!

Anthropologie Love

Went to Anthropologie today. Stood staring at this bottle chandelier thingy for about 5 minutes. I LOVE it. Went home feeling better than I have in weeks. Retail therapy and I didn't even buy anything. AWESOME.

Odd woman out

Look carefully at these sweet girls. Notice anything unusual?

Do you ever feel like everyone around you is happy, progressing, living, thriving, joyously drifting?? That's all wonderful when you can share in the joy. How about when you are the odd woman out? The one who's sad, stuck, drowning in a stress filled stream to NOWHERE??

Today I feel like little Stella in this picture. I'm going to go pout by myself for a while. Tomorrow has GOT to be better.

NO PAIN.....NO GAIN!

This is my favorite little guy. He sure has taught me a lot lately....


Sometimes we forget to have fun when we are trying to accomplish our goals. Here is what I have learned from watching Finn in the snow...




Take a great idea and some determination and RUN with it...


Practice a lot....

Tumble a little, get back up and try it again!!!


Leave your fear behind but
don't forget to bring your passion and your commitment....


and a whole lot of excitement...



add pride...(lots of it??)





And a whole lotta heart!

And then take the time to marinate in pure satisfaction!!




Life lessons from my 8 year old. Nothing better!!!

Sickness.

Streptococcus germs have taken over our home. Five out of six members of this household have Strep Throat. I have to throw away all toothbrushes and lip glosses. AND I have to stay far away from Nick...as I wait quietly for him to FALL, too. Good luck honey. Good luck.

My First at Fifteen!!

Hailey A.
15.

Can. Not. Believe it.

My sweet, smart, shyshy little girl.
15 years ago....36 hours of labor total....she didn't sleep much and NEVER wanted me to put her down! She has been a Mama's girl since birth.


Hailey is number 1. (Once I had the 4th child, I started calling them by numbers.)
She is a gymnast. She is always on the A/B Honor Roll. She is very quiet in public settings and her only social events involve her gym-mates and/or her family.

I worry about this one
because she works so hard that I often feel she is missing out on some of the fun and carefree attitude of childhood. She is so responsible and organized! I recently tried to force the kid to go to the movies with her friend from school. They have been trying to schedule a movie date BUT they both have crazy schedules. When she finally got time to go...she canceled because she was too tired. AND because she wanted to hang out with her family. (WHAT???) She seemed genuinely happy about her decision though. (and can i tell you how blessed i feel to have a teenager that wants to hang out at home??)

Hailey doesn't tell me much about what's going on in her life. I have to know when to ask just the right questions to find out anything. I know where she is at all times because she is either at school or in the gym but I would still love to hear details once in a while! Recently she came back from a gymnastics meet in Orlando. IT was a great trip because the whole team got to go to Disney before their competition. She was gone for 5 days and when she returned I was dying to hear all about her adventures.
NOPE.
Not a word. My sweet little introvert needed to retreat to her room for a couple of days to recover from spending every second for 5 days with other people all around her. And then she FINALLY crawled out sheepishly and showed me her Orlando photos.

She may be 15 BUT at least I know she still loves her Mommy.
She lets me know this because...

She still stands right beside me when she's out in public with me. (especially if she has to meet new people)
She still fights her siblings to sit beside me when we go out to eat.
She still chooses to ride in my car over her dad's/stepdad's EVERY time we have to take more than one car.
AND she still cuddles up with me on the couch to watch TV.
Most importantly-she likes to hang out with me.

That makes me really happy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINE! I LOVE YOU!

Hope

These little sprouts seem so hopeful I just had to take their picture. Good luck guys! I hope to see your little yellow faces one day soon!!