Friday, September 3, 2010

Lonely at the Top...

Have you ever noticed that right when you feel like you are high on life, queen of the mountain, top o the world ma, people start to act a little strange? Like all of the sudden, they realize how happy you are, and don't really trust it. Or maybe it's that they just aren't buying it. After all, I have been a pretty stressed out mess for the last year so maybe extending my summer bliss into the new school year is alarming in some way. I do usually reach PEAK stress when school resumes. However, I am no longer full time. I am not feeling the same beginning of the school year stress this year. MUCH calmer being outside of the classroom scene.

I don't want to go back to being stressed and sad. I don't want to start worrying about money, and work, and trivial stuff. I don't want to be unhappy.

I read something recently that stated the idea that most people don't think happiness is a way of life. It's perceived as a temporary state that only comes around on special occasions. Most people don't really know how to hold onto it for long. It has been pretty cyclical in my life that's for sure. But I have always sort of felt an underlying happy somewhere. Just gets lost a lot.

And again, I feel myself starting to struggle and lose a little footing. That voice in my head is starting to be negative again. I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend telling that voice to quiet back down.


Pat said...

You've made lots of steps forward lately. It's normal to have a little step back as life happens to you. You're on the right track. Keep on keeping on.

Monique said...

I think that working part time will make an incredible difference to your "happiness" levels. Teaching is such an intense, full on profession and the stress and wound up feelings that you leave work with are very hard to dismiss and leave at the door at the end of the day. Your day off will hopefully leave time for you to nurture your spirit and re-energise yourself for your work days. Dig deep. don't let that happiness get bogged down by life.