Thursday, January 27, 2011
Both of my older girls have birthdays coming up. Big ones. 13 and 16. 16!!! Goooood Lord I don't know how this has happened. I have been inwardly emotional for weeks. I'm so excited about their birthdays! We have lots of plans and the girls are happy and excited.
But my brain keeps seeing shots of them...images...refracted. An image of Hailey at age 5 or Maddy at age two. Then the image will break off and shoot directly to another image of their childhood. I keep seeing their sweet childlike faces spread throughout the halls of my brain. Then I feel the those gripping tugs at the apron strings start to loosen and become less frequent. It's scary. I look around and wonder where those children went?!!
And I keep wondering....have I prepared them? Are they ready? Am I ready???
I am constantly writing a letter in my mind...trying to contain my ocean of emotions into a legible document that I can give to my oldest daughter on her 16th birthday. All of those infant moments when I wished she was old enough to talk to me and tell me what was going on in her head. All of the milestones...words, steps, cartwheels, kips, grades, friends, new grips, school projects, new leos, braces, gym meets, braces off, driver's ed, discussing colleges! Everything leading up to this moment.
My first born baby is 16. (and that 2nd angel baby is 13)
My girls are growing up.
Heavy sigh. I can only imagine what high school graduation will do to me!!