Saturday, February 7, 2009
As youth departs...
As I think I have said before, I am having a hard time with Hailey growing up. I do not really understand why it's hitting me NOW but it surely is. I guess because she is entering an age and stage that throws me deep in the middle of uncharted territory. I am used to being around children all the time. I know all about ages and stages to age 12. Now that she has moved well past 12, I feel a little lost in the labyrinth that is my daughter.
She had to go out of town this weekend. I had been avoiding the trip until Friday morning when I had to get her up and ready to go meet the bus. I was running around frantically trying to make my lists and check them twice. I started spouting out suggestions...things she might need. She was nice and polite and told me a couple of times, "Yeah Mom. I got it." I finally ran down to her room to grab something and what I saw there almost brought me to tears. I had to fight the urge to sit on her bed and sob uncontrollably!
She had her bags packed in a way that would make a neat freak proud. She had beautiful little piles of all the things she needed. As I glanced around, I noticed that she too had made a list and she too had started checking things off. Only she had made her list WAY before I made mine. She, unlike me, was so excited for the trip that she couldn't wait to pack. I am sure she had been packing in her mind for DAYS before she actually started her list.
Why didn't I know that she would be so well organized? Why did it surprise me so?? I'll tell ya. Because I just don't think I want my little girl to grow up. I want her to need me. I want her to ask me how to do things. I want her to ask for my opinion.
But I also want her to be independent. And strong. And organized. And happy about trips that do not include her Mom. I don't want her to grow up... snif... But she is doing it anyway, without my permission, and she is doing it beautifully.